Perfect Words

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What Christmas means to me

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:38:25 +0700

As Christmas creeps closer and closer, I just go to thinking as to what Christmas means to me. Honestly, I haven’t had a merry Christmas since I got back to Indonesia (year 2006 hmm ya ya ). I figured that it’s time for me to change what Christmas should be like.

No more sadness, no more tears… I just want a merry Christmas. It is His birthday and I should be celebrating it by being happy with my family. I will admit that I have shunned myself for a few Christmases because I was that homesick. Even today I still feel homesick.

I just miss finding a reason to wear a coat, I miss feeling the cold wind pierce through my face, I miss the smell of hot cocoa and sitting by the window looking out thinking what Santa’s going to give me for Christmas during Christmas Eve.

I miss baking croissants and eating it while it’s hot with my sister during Christmas morning, I miss making mashed potatoes and cutting up ham into bits only to find my father not liking honey-baked ham. HAHAHA.

I miss calling Shana for hours and asking what she’s doing. I miss going to the Forum with Shana and just walk around while going to Claire’s looking at what we can buy.

I miss Christmas shopping for my teachers and friends and seeing their faces light up when they see the gift. I miss trading gifts and opening it during Christmas day and showing off the gift to my family. =)

I miss it all and now I lost it all.

I don’t bake anything anymore nor do we serve honey-baked ham. I don’t have Shana to spend my Christmas with and I don’t Christmas shop anymore. The feeling of Christmas is gone.

I prayed upon a star so I can find new things for a more meaningful Christmas.
I got an answer.

Ok, so I’m not saying I won’t be homesick… but at least Christmas means something new to me.

Christmas means spending the few days I don’t have often with my family; it means going to malls with my girlfriends and finally enjoying the little things shops do to celebrate Christmas.

Oh Christmas, I do love you!

gearing up for love

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:25:15 +0700

As many of you already know, I’ve probably already said that 2010 is guna be a great year. I feel something awaiting for me in the upcoming year (which is soon). Oh so exciting!

2010 is not guna be an ordinary year. It will be different. It’s no more about not doing anything, but about doing something.

1. Singapore, Singapore, Singapore!!!!!
2. Bali in June baby!! Hell yeah!
3. Paint my room soft green.
4. Start blind dating… shocking to some, but it’s true.

I guess I’m just sick and tired of feeling alone and jealous of seeing other people having a love life.

I have no love life and have had none for 19 years. It’s time to take action. Since I’ve been inspired and motivated by a television show [silly i know] called Date Patrol, it hit me! If a 27-year-old divorcee can get a relli cute guy by taking a chance on love and flirting, then I certainly can too!

I’m still young and fed up with whining. I realized [i have many realizations lately] that I talk and complain about how dull my love life is yet I have never done anything about it.

It is time to make a change!

“In the cookies of life, friends are the chocolate...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:38:55 +0700

“In the cookies of life, friends are the chocolate chips.”

-Unknown

loveliness

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 19:08:00 +0700

“Love is not getting, but giving, not a wild dream of pleasure, and madness of desire— it is goodness, and honor, and peace and pure living.”
-Henry van Dyke

No words describe things better than this:

I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you

Maybe soon it’ll be hugging my own guy and holding his hands… Amen. =)

"I have loved my friends as I do virtue, my soul, my God."

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:12:00 +0700

“I have loved my friends as I do virtue, my soul, my God.”

- Sir Thomas Browne

What my Mama told me

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:17:00 +0700

So I talked to my mom on the phone yesterday and it was a blissful conversation.

I’m looking forward to 2010. Do come faster, Baby New Year!

Me: Iya dede pesan tiket pesawat sekarang mumpung lagi promosi…
Mom: Oh yaudah, kamu atur aja. Yaudah… mama mau urusin anak kamu (my dogs) dulu.

*almost hung up the phone*

Me: Eh ma ma ma… kalau dede k Singapur, masih ke Bali kan nantinya?
Mama: Ha? Oh, iya iya masih jadi.
Me: Yay! Dede cuman mau check aja. hehe

Yesssss!!

Luke 11:9-13

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:43:00 +0700

Here’s a few words from Injil Matius. I love this part of the Holy Bible [not trying to go all religious on you people], and I believe in it strongly.

“Mintalah, maka akan diberikan kepadamu;
Carilah, maka kamu akan mendapat;
Ketoklah, maka pintu akan dibukakan bagimu.

Karena setiap orang yang meminta, menerima, dan setiap orang yang mencari, mendapat, dan setiap orang yg mengetok, baginya pintu dibukakan.”

Indeed it is true. Thank you Lord. I will doubt You no longer.

Gulp gulp...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:04:00 +0700

I smile thinking of him cuz it makes me happy.

I know I like him but I’m afraid. Just like most crushes, I’m afraid of it not working out again.

Fear. It’s what’s keeping me back.

Taking a leap is what I want to do but only if it means you’ll be mine.

I don’t know what the future holds and I’m terrified.

I’m not the type who can sit back and relax on unanswered questions and uncertainty.

But you, Mr. Z, is floating around inside my head. In class I look at the board but what I think of is you.

Indeed I am happy to feel this way again. It’s exhilarating, truly!

I don’t know if you’ll ever be mine or if you like me back.

So pardon me while I watch from a distance and let life pass me by without making an effort in getting closer to you.

What is this feeling?

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:50:31 +0700

Is it just me?

Or does he feel it too?

Do I want this?

Why am I so confused?

Can’t this brick wall just fall down and let me take chance on love again?!

I feel it

and

I can’t deny it.

Yes, I do like you, Mister X.

A whirlwind kind of life

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:59:00 +0700

Wow! I’m finally writing something down instead of just posting quotes off my favorite quote website. lol.

A lot has happened recently in my life. Well not necessarily, but I’ve done a lot of activities and been part of a few events.

First of, GINTRE. Like wow! Totally tiring and hellish, but well worth the pain and stress! I’ll miss working with the girls, but I see them around campus anyway so it’s okay. lol!

Second of, UTS PrakDip. Today was so much fun! We are soooo together as a team (far beyond what I had expected, honestly). It wasn’t tiring for us, as much as it was rather boring sitting in the seat listening to ‘06 talk about Services. Hmm ya ya…
But honestly, I enjoyed it and it was just real fun! Protocol is the bomb-diggity!

Personal moment:

In my little group of friends, Cupid has shot its love arrow and hit Dea whilst another love arrow still remains in Abie’s heart.

I just got to thinking, I want a boyfriend. Okay, not necessarily that part; I just want somebody to love (besides family and friends) and somebody to love me back.

It’s been awhile since I’ve cared oh so deeply for anyone. Even though I have this gut instinct that my special someone isn’t in FISIP UNPAR, I won’t give up. I believe someone is out there but it’s beyond frustrating having to wait and find a guy to like.

It’s not that I need a life to steer my thoughts away from wanting a guy since it can be distracting, but this time… I relli do want a guy to call my own.

Boys boys… I can certainly live without them, but I just choose not to. lol!

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was..."

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 20:34:11 +0700

““Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.””

- C.S. Lewis (via kari-shma) (via quote-book)

Circle of girlfriends!

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 20:15:00 +0700

My friends… No, my best friends.

My biggest fans.

My sisters.

My supporter.

My shoulder to lean on.

My thigh to sleep on.

My savior when I’m blue.

My sun when there’s no light.

My bank to loan money from when I’m broke. lol.

My girls… Ya’ll are truly something special.
I have been profoundly blessed by the Lord for having all of you in my life.

I feel safe knowing that when I’m in deep trouble or when I’m having to go through obstacles in life, ya’ll are there.

“And I don’t try to hide my tears

The secrets, all my deepest fears
Through it all nobody gets me like you do”

- from Taylor Swift’s song I’m Only Me When I’m With You

To whom it may concern

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 21:08:35 +0700

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’s alright

Nothing’s gonna change the things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this right again

Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand

A bucket of tears

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 22:44:05 +0700

I feel like life is closing in on me.

To not believe in God, I must disagree.

But to lose hope, that I agree.

Since Monday, I have cried and cried with little results. I have prayed and will continually do so. I have lost my path and will eventually lose myself if nothing works out.

To have another dream shattered when it could be prevented, I don’t know if I can take it once more.

As my eyes fill with tears writing this blog, I feel dead.

My heart is half-ripped, my eyes are tired from lack of sleep and stressing too much, and my brain. My poor brain. It’s neurons are being overworked by a psychotic woman who stresses too much and hopes too little of the world and its miracles.

What to do now?

Dear God,

Forgive me for I have sinned.

My head can be held high, but do forgive me if I am not myself.

Anyone got a nutcracker? Cuz I wanna crack my hard-headed self open.

Remove my brains and let me forget all that has happened in my life.

Now I know that I can never start fresh.

I thought she was kidding

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 22:13:23 +0700

I’m so embarrassed having gone to the same high school as her and all of my Bekasi friends. Relli embarrassed.

Here’s why:

Cewek: Eh can, kemana aj lo? Hilang gt aja…
Me: haha.. iya ni, aku disappear mulu!
Cewek: disappear dimana? di bandung?

*All confused inside and thinking she was joking*

Me: hahaha.. lucu2!
Cewek: Kok ketawa can?
Me: Ya kan kamu bilang disappear dimana. Disappear kan bukan tempat…
Cewek: Ohhhh.. jadi apa dong?

*EXTREMELY DUMBFOUNDED*

Me: Itu kata, dew..
Cewek: Artinya apa?

*thinking she must be kidding*

Me: disappear = menghilang. wahh.. ketauan bgt kamu g perhatiin kelas inggris slm SMA. hahaha.. kidding.
Cewek: Km tau lah inggris susah.

Thinking to myself, “Right… sure it is…”

Bless her soul.

More than I can chew

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:17:00 +0700

It’s almost a week since the Ramadan holidays have passed and I am no where near less stressed out.

I need a break.

I’m being pulled left and right, meetings happening nearly everyday for pete’s sake!! Ahh! I’m going crazy. My tasks are done but I don’t feel like I did it correctly thus I consider it still piling up.

My period’s coming up and my hormones are acting up as usual and it’s driving me nuts.

Even in my dorm I’m having issues with Meta and her problemos.

I can’t escape.

My life is spinning in circles like that of a kaleidoscope, minus the colorful stuff.

I forgot to return my book back to the library. I hate borrowing books now.

If I could suck up all the oxygen there is in the world, I would.

Even Taylor Swift’s wonderful and colorful lovely songs can’t help me out.

Passing HNMUN 2010

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 22:00:33 +0700

I passed the whole entire process for HNMUN 2010!!!
I’m so beyond excited, there’s no words to actually describe the feeling of succeeding.

All the stressing out, negative thinking, and all that stuff was well worth it cuz it paid off in the end!

Who cares that my monthly friend visited me 9 days late because i stressed out too much about HNMUN?? That doesn’t matter now. All that matters is the present. What has happened today is important.

My parents were happy and pleased, especially mon pere.

My sister was happy but that was about it. Some sisterly love! Hmph!

Now, it’s my turn to make mommy and daddy proud.

It is time for me to be at the UN Headquarter, take a picture there, and prove to them that I’m capable of being a UN Ambassador and that I’m serious about my dreams.

Screw the money, I want to be a Goodwill Ambassador!

So United States, once again, I’m coming!!

(Lame entry, I know)

8 Years Never Forgotten

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 20:14:45 +0700

8 years ago the world watched in silence.

8 years ago Americans were shocked.

8 years ago there was a terrorist attack that sent shockwaves around the world.

8 years ago Americans experienced one of the worst tragedies ever.

8 years ago I was sitting in the cafeteria watching at the TV along with the others.

8 years ago I didn’t understand what the big deal was about.

8 years ago I walked from the bus stop and finally understood what happened.

8 years ago I watched CNN and shed a tear.

8 years ago I didn’t understand why people would do such horrendous act.

8 years later Americans are still standing strong.

8 years later the world is closer now more than ever in fighting terrorism.

8 years later we still haven’t given up on the fight against Al-Qaeda.

8 years later we still haven’t captured Osama bin Laden but we haven’t given up.

8 years later we continue commemorating September 11th.

8 years later we haven’t forgotten one bit of what happened on this tragic day.

8 years later we sing our national anthem with even greater pride.

8 years later the red, white, and blue flag is still here. We are going nowhere.